i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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