I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
