I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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