In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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