i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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