i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
