Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize