Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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