either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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