You work out of a Hotel?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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