Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Alive.
So much puke
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
