Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
