Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
