Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
