Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
