You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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