I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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