I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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