No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
