If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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