...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
