I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
