Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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