also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
