Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
