D3 body, D1 cock
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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