I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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