This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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