no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
