I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
