A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
