Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
