My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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