something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
