I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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