I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
