It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
