why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
