I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
