halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
