did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
