I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
