My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
