How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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