Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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