she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize