Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
