I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
