I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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