So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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