My nipple is on Facebook.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
