i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
