I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
