He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
