I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
