im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
