My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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