and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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