you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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