you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
