we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
