Can i not drive my cunt home
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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