yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
