TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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