Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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