i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
