you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
