bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We need to get me chipped asap
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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