dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
