the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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