Screwed.edu
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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