Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
