Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Welp...herpes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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