well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
