how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I puked a lego.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
